We're Adopting!
Yep, in case you haven't already heard, we've decided to start the adoption process and if all goes well, are planning to adopt from Guatemala. We're very happy to be moving on with getting a kid into this family!
OK, since this is a new process to lots of you, like is is to us, here are some FAQs, including some of the ones you were afraid to ask.
Q: Am I supposed to say "congratulations" or "I'm sorry" or what?
A: Congratulations! We're delighted to be getting closer to having a family and are very happy to have the opportunity to grow our family while providing a home for a kid who needs one. In no way do we feel that adopting a child is some sort of consolation prize.
Q: Ya'll haven't been married that long, why don't you just keep trying the old fashioned way?
A: We've already gotten the medical recommendation that pregnancy, without lots of intervention, is quite unlikely. We're not too enticed by the intervention route and so are happily moving on to adoption.
Q: Why Guatemala?
A: 1) children from Guatemala are usually healthy (some other countries have much higher probability of things like fetal alcohol syndrome), 2) they live with foster families who hold them and interact with them before they are placed (avoiding the bonding disorders kids from orphaniages can have), 3) at some point this child will be curious about where he came from and we can visit Guatemala a heck of a lot easier that Kyrgystan, or other countries that are options, 4) it's a pretty fast process, compared to many which can take 18 months to over 2 years, 5) you get the kids relatively young compared to many countries.
Q: What might not go well?
A: There's something called the Hague Treaty which is a set of rules about how international adoptions should be handled. Although Guatemala ratified the treaty in 2003, they haven't made the necessary reforms to become complient (and, it turns out the treaty is considered unconstitutional in Guatemala). The U.S. will implement the treaty in early 2008, after which there may be legal problems adoptiong from Guatemala. If we get our paperwork in the system soon however, it's likley that we'd be able to complete the process even if the U.S. closes the program. In the meantime, we need to decide on a Plan B country as well, just in case.
Q: What kind of kid are you likely to get?
A: Assuming Guatemala works out, we are likely to get a healthy, 6 month to 1 year, Hispanic/Mayan baby boy. Around our house, he is affectionately referred to a "Pablocito". We could also end up with a girl--right now the wait for a boy is less, so we'll probably go that route.
Q: Why not China/Russia/some other country? I've heard those are good/fast/easy.
A; Every coutry has it's own adoption rules, and they change frequently. While places like China & Russia have been good options in the past, they are becoming increasingly restrictive, demanding things like a certain net worth and perfect health (which we can't quite claim). In addition there are rules about things like length of marriage (often 2 years or 5 years), sometimes there are religious requirements, etc. that mean we don't actually qualify to adopt in a lot of countries. Additionally, like most people, the thing we hope for most is to have a healthy child.
Q: How soon do you get a kid?
A: While it could vary wildly, if we work hard at getting our paperwork done and things go well we might have a child in as little as 8 or so months.
Q: Aren't you worried about having a kid that doesn't look like you? Aren't you worried the kid will feel weird having white parents?
A: Not really. We happen to live in a pretty diverse neighborhood, in a pretty diverse city, and this kid will have plenty of kids of many colors to play with right on this block. We are starting to know more & people with adopted kids, so this kid will not have to feel like the only one who doesn't look like his parents. He'll grow up knowing he's adopted and knowing where he's from, and knowing he should be proud of that, etc. so really, we feel pretty well prepared to deal with all of that.
Q: So what happens next?
A: We begin completing our "dossier" which seems to be a collection of every vaguely legal document we've ever had anything to do with, quadruple notarized, formalized and certified in a variety of ways, plus some other things we don't even have details of yet (background checks, fingerprinting and fun stuff like that). It's supposed to take about 3 months to get this together, even if you work fast. After that we can look forward to the 'home study' where someone comes and interviews us in our house, while we stress about whether the pets are behaving, some required parenting classes, and hopefully, our referral, when a particular kid is recommended to us.
Q: Is there anything we can do to help?
A: Actually, yes. The costs of adopting from Guatemala are very high (partly because the children are so well cared for before adoption in private foster care homes). Our costs will likely be about $30,000. While we get a tax credit later, after the adoption is final, we still have to come up with that money over the next fews months. We'll be looking into home equity and special 'adoption' loans. But everything helps, so to help defray some of those costs we will be having a little adoption fundraiser, and are hoping you might be able to donate something to auction off. It can be anything!!! An hour or two of professional services, an evening of babysitting, your extra copy of "Thriller", the board game collection that hasn't been used in years.... we will be setting up an auction for all of these things on eBay. Your contributions would be greatly appreciated!! Email: bkoloski@yahoo.com if you have something you'd be willing to donate!
OK, since this is a new process to lots of you, like is is to us, here are some FAQs, including some of the ones you were afraid to ask.
Q: Am I supposed to say "congratulations" or "I'm sorry" or what?
A: Congratulations! We're delighted to be getting closer to having a family and are very happy to have the opportunity to grow our family while providing a home for a kid who needs one. In no way do we feel that adopting a child is some sort of consolation prize.
Q: Ya'll haven't been married that long, why don't you just keep trying the old fashioned way?
A: We've already gotten the medical recommendation that pregnancy, without lots of intervention, is quite unlikely. We're not too enticed by the intervention route and so are happily moving on to adoption.
Q: Why Guatemala?
A: 1) children from Guatemala are usually healthy (some other countries have much higher probability of things like fetal alcohol syndrome), 2) they live with foster families who hold them and interact with them before they are placed (avoiding the bonding disorders kids from orphaniages can have), 3) at some point this child will be curious about where he came from and we can visit Guatemala a heck of a lot easier that Kyrgystan, or other countries that are options, 4) it's a pretty fast process, compared to many which can take 18 months to over 2 years, 5) you get the kids relatively young compared to many countries.
Q: What might not go well?
A: There's something called the Hague Treaty which is a set of rules about how international adoptions should be handled. Although Guatemala ratified the treaty in 2003, they haven't made the necessary reforms to become complient (and, it turns out the treaty is considered unconstitutional in Guatemala). The U.S. will implement the treaty in early 2008, after which there may be legal problems adoptiong from Guatemala. If we get our paperwork in the system soon however, it's likley that we'd be able to complete the process even if the U.S. closes the program. In the meantime, we need to decide on a Plan B country as well, just in case.
Q: What kind of kid are you likely to get?
A: Assuming Guatemala works out, we are likely to get a healthy, 6 month to 1 year, Hispanic/Mayan baby boy. Around our house, he is affectionately referred to a "Pablocito". We could also end up with a girl--right now the wait for a boy is less, so we'll probably go that route.
Q: Why not China/Russia/some other country? I've heard those are good/fast/easy.
A; Every coutry has it's own adoption rules, and they change frequently. While places like China & Russia have been good options in the past, they are becoming increasingly restrictive, demanding things like a certain net worth and perfect health (which we can't quite claim). In addition there are rules about things like length of marriage (often 2 years or 5 years), sometimes there are religious requirements, etc. that mean we don't actually qualify to adopt in a lot of countries. Additionally, like most people, the thing we hope for most is to have a healthy child.
Q: How soon do you get a kid?
A: While it could vary wildly, if we work hard at getting our paperwork done and things go well we might have a child in as little as 8 or so months.
Q: Aren't you worried about having a kid that doesn't look like you? Aren't you worried the kid will feel weird having white parents?
A: Not really. We happen to live in a pretty diverse neighborhood, in a pretty diverse city, and this kid will have plenty of kids of many colors to play with right on this block. We are starting to know more & people with adopted kids, so this kid will not have to feel like the only one who doesn't look like his parents. He'll grow up knowing he's adopted and knowing where he's from, and knowing he should be proud of that, etc. so really, we feel pretty well prepared to deal with all of that.
Q: So what happens next?
A: We begin completing our "dossier" which seems to be a collection of every vaguely legal document we've ever had anything to do with, quadruple notarized, formalized and certified in a variety of ways, plus some other things we don't even have details of yet (background checks, fingerprinting and fun stuff like that). It's supposed to take about 3 months to get this together, even if you work fast. After that we can look forward to the 'home study' where someone comes and interviews us in our house, while we stress about whether the pets are behaving, some required parenting classes, and hopefully, our referral, when a particular kid is recommended to us.
Q: Is there anything we can do to help?
A: Actually, yes. The costs of adopting from Guatemala are very high (partly because the children are so well cared for before adoption in private foster care homes). Our costs will likely be about $30,000. While we get a tax credit later, after the adoption is final, we still have to come up with that money over the next fews months. We'll be looking into home equity and special 'adoption' loans. But everything helps, so to help defray some of those costs we will be having a little adoption fundraiser, and are hoping you might be able to donate something to auction off. It can be anything!!! An hour or two of professional services, an evening of babysitting, your extra copy of "Thriller", the board game collection that hasn't been used in years.... we will be setting up an auction for all of these things on eBay. Your contributions would be greatly appreciated!! Email: bkoloski@yahoo.com if you have something you'd be willing to donate!
posted by Biz at 1:06 PM
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